Hadirnya dirimu didalam hidupku,
Telah merubah segalanya
Dan telah aku lewati saat gelap hidupku,
Namun aku masih tak menyakini,

Diriku yang cuba menghapuskan,
Mimpi-mimpi buruk yang lalu
Inginku berlari,
dan menggapai hasratku

Apakah kau kan berlalu pergi,
Terkapai-kapai aku,
inginku membuktikan,
kejujuranku kepadamu,
Dan kini kusedari diriku,
Masih liar untuk dimiliki


Finally, I think my fever has caught up on me. I've been fighting it, keeping it on hold ever since the start of Ramadhan, I think. I have no idea how I managed to keep it at bay even though I wasn't at all in a good emotional state of mind throughout those days. Thank You Allah for granting me the strength and the will to fight through it. But yes, I understand if the fever would be full-blown right now. But Dear Lord, please if possible, let it be full blown after Night Of Power please. I'd like to prostrate in reverence to you without having a full-blown headache.

Now before this fever takes full control of me, I'd like to empty some thoughts of mine into this blog. Good thing that this blog has a viewer readership of 'non-existent' except for those few who came along just to tag nonsensical unrelated tags on my tagboard. Other than those people, I doubt anyone else is aware of this blog. Which suits me just well.

Events that had transpired over these few weeks have undoubtedly brought me on an emotional roller coaster.

Ramadhan Youth Camp CMC@ An-Nahdhah was a nice experience, though it falls short of my expectations. But lets put aside that for a while and focus instead on the brighter side. I'm happy with the ukhuwah that was forged among the facilitators during the camp. Some of the guy facis like Taufiq, Zakaria and Zul, I had already known them before, but didn't had a chance to talk to them closely. Alhamdulillah, this camp have allowed me to interact with them more.

What I'm most amazed by was the link forged between me and my partner faci, Shawal. I think it mostly boils down him being so much similar to my close friend, Hadi Sufyan. Shawal's a good guy, good partner to be with, just wished that he could take more initiative instead of always waiting for me to give the cue. He even once temankan me to the toilet when I broke down even though I told him to stay with the team. Good partner. Thanks for the memories, bro.

Next up will be PSP. The first ever event that I am chairman of even though its my fourth year in SPMLS. Weird issn't it. I have attained one of the highest position in the society but this is the first event that I am chairing. This goes to show that how much we still have to learn despite having a so-called 'top' post. And oh by the way, for me, the level of your post doesn't mean anything. What means most is what you do while you're at that position. Because thats what He will ask you later =)


I'm afraid. I'm afraid for the outcome of PSP. And I know, I stand guilty of this. I had not been giving my best for the committee. I can say that alot of the time, I am doing a one-man show at the top but nothing can change the fact that I should have done better. Too many things happening at once, needless to say, I was stretched too thinly. To the committee, my heartfelt sorrow towards my failing. I'm very sorry for being a sorry excuse for your leader. You guys deserve someone much better.

I've failed to many times already. I think its about time that I reconsider myself as a leader of the organisation. Perhaps, after this event, I will not be taking anymore leadership roles.

But most of all, what hurts me most is the fact that I have failed *you. It hurts me most when I look at the mirror and realised that my best for you just wasn't good enough. I don;t know how many times was it that I had overextended myself, stumbling down on the ground, making a fool of myself in front of you. I wonder how you could stand me, being a sorry excuse. I'm sorry for failing you. But know this. Know that I had loved you from the start, and will always do. Know that when your heart is longing for that certain someone; this heart of mine is longing too.

At MacRitchie Reservoir, you gave me the heart and said ,"Keep my heart for me okie?"

Even though it was a light-hearted moment, I take it seriously. I will keep your heart with me. Always.

And ouh, Allahu Yashfik ya habibati. Please get well soon((:




Maafkanku,
Kerna mengingkari janji yang terpatri dahulu padamu


Maafkanku,
Atas kekurangan yang ada pada diriku ini.