Its not even halfway through Ramadhan and I'm already on my knees.

I've taken all I can stand, but no, I'm not giving up just yet.

True that within a matter of days, I've watched the beautiful symphony we've conducted spiral totally out of control; destroying almost everything. I've watched everything around me fall apart and the worst part is, I can't do anything about it.

nothing at all.


I'm too weak to go through this. Every moment I am besieged by my thoughts, now sharpened to hurt rather than to provoke rational thinking. Every step of the way I am uncertain. Paranoia. Fear. The pain overwhelmed me, taking away everything from me, leaving me in this state that you see me now. I faltered in my steps, I buckled in my stand and fall down to my knees. I couldn't stand it anymore. I want it to end. I want it to stop. And then, I remembered.


When you're down on your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray


And it was then that I realised what this meant. Ramadhan is divided into 3 parts. The first part, which is the first 10 days, are for seeking Allah S.W.T's mercy.

But what exactly is seeking Allah's Mercy?

Mercy from God during the first ten days of Ramadan is believed to come in abundance from God who is the first teacher in beneficence from His own actions. God knows that this is a trying time for the Muslim as she/he embarks upon a journey of fasting that takes place once a year.

As such, it is a surety that those who sets of to fast to not only gain merely hunger and thirst but also to harvest the bounties of Ramadhan, they will find that the first 10 days of Ramadhan as the most difficult.

Allah wants us to attain His mercy, thats why I believe that He puts some of us through the harshness of life so that we will return to Him and discover His Mercy.

Masya'Allah, when I realised that, I teared as once again I am marvelled by His Intricacies. My heart is however, still heavy and I am still battered. But my mind rests easier knowing that He will always be here with me.


Bro, somehow when you indulged us in what your mind and heart says, somehow, I wasn't quite too surprised. Suprised because I didn't know that something like this could trouble you to this extent. I mean, I'm sorry, but I guess I'm still blinded by the perception of you being this awesome giant who won't be troubled by all this things. The one who could do no wrong. The good one between the two of us. The one whom steadied me before and whom I go to always in questions of Faith. I guess, I've yet to put aside these childish perceptions of you.

It was then I told myself that you're every much as human as any of us. You bleed the same way, you bleed the same colour. But most of all, you feel the same things any of us do. Fear, anger, serenity...and Love.

For once bro, we're in the same boat. We're both fighting for the future; both of us wants to relive that vision we see. Both of us are fighting to have the future of being with that certain someone whom has touched us at such an intrinsic level that could only be explained through God.

I have and will always believe and have faith in you bro. Don't stop fighting, don't give it up. I will always pray for you, and I hope, that I am in your prayers too
=)


Two nights ago was a night of unwanted raveling. Seriously my brother, you've indulged in me things that I've rather have no knowledge about, that I had rather been ignorant about. But you just have to tell me. You just have to reveal it to me. Its not bad enough that my mind is at a cluttered state and my heart is battered, you just have to make it worst.

But I don't know. It really got me thinking, I have to admit. Thank you for making it worse for me.

Oh and I hate Facebook. It has a tendency to tell us things that we'd rather not know or things that will just twist this blade around. Sheesh.