I fell asleep last Saturday
Underneath polluted skies
I walked alone in those late dark nights
And I, saw the board walk start to fall
The emptiness starts to drown
The quiet corners of this town tonight

Late last night I made my plans
It was the only thing I felt I could do
Said goodbye to my best friend
Sometimes there's no one left to tell you the truth

It's gonna kill me the rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's time to face
All of my past mistakes
It's gonna kill me for the rest of my life

This is my all time low
Somehow it feels so familiar
Somehow it seems so familiar
I fell like letting go
And every second that goes by
I'm screaming out for second tries

This is the mess I've made
These are the words I can't erase
This is my life support shutting down
For the final time
And it swings like a blade
And kills me for the rest of my life

If you won't forgive me the rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's time to face
All of my past mistakes
It's gonna kill me for the rest of my life


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

sometimes, its just not fair.

its just not fair to see things go this way.

True, everything has its reason for its being, but still, the feeling of unfairness is evident.


Its as if I've lost everything. Its as if I'm slowly losing everything since the start of the year.

People around me slowly fading away to nothingness. Those whom I held close had either left, or betrayed me.


But I had gone forth. It hurts, but I used that pain to propel me forwards. Do not endure the pain, embrace it, thats what I always tell myself. Use that pain to your advantage.


But sometimes, it will be too much to bear.


Sometimes, when it struck too close to home, its too hard to go on.


I had just lost someone dear to me. Someone whom have been the focal point of my strength for the past year or so. Someone whom I have always been there for her, and she have always been there for me. A sister. MY sister. I lost her.


And now, I am close to losing *you.


You, who meant so much to me, much more than anyone could ever hope to. You, the only one who stood by me when everything went to hell, and still standing beside me right now. You, who changed everything and made me look at the world from a different perspective. You, who crushed away the walls around me and prove to me how vulnerable I am inside. You, who caused this lovestruck poet to run out of words to say. You, who I share these feelings of limitless depth with.

and now, I'm close to losing you.

How is that fair?


But at times, situation spirals out of our control. It has come to the point that I can do almost nothing about it. What right do I have? What say do I have? I,who have lasted this long, and will last further on, have finally find myself at a standstill in which to continue, I had to rely on matters beyond my control. But I believe; I trust, things will get better.

As always, to deviate my mind, I often indulge myself in a bit of Scrubs. And Doctor Cox never fails to inspire me.



"Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies. Will they? Won't they? And then they finally do, and they're happy forever, gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic. I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, y'know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do... believe in it.

Bottom line: it's couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it's right, and they're real lucky, one of them will say something."



=)