The Muse
The Muse
Reach me:
Rite Of Passage
Famous Last Words
The Extended
Famous Last Words
In every truth that you'd deny
And each regret and each goodbye
was a mistake too great to hide
Muse Lament
Friday, 3 July 2009
How am I supposed to feel when I came across those pictures?
How am I supposed to feel to see them doing those kinds of things?
Its not enough for them to go against everything that we had believed in, they have to post it up online so that others can see it also.
Are they proud of what they did?
I don't know, I really don't.
To think that we spent almost everyday of our secondary school lives together.
To think that during that point of time, I was the one who was pinpointed as the troublemaker.
To think that at that point of time, I lived up to that title by getting us into trouble alot of times.
What happened along the way? Just what?
Because no matter how far I go, I will always look back and cry in guilt.
Because even if I manage to fulfill my sworn duty; to leave a legacy in this organisation, by setting the foundation in which future Da'ies might arise, I would still have failed.
I would still have failed miserably.
When I look back, I truly see His Greatness in planning it all. Crooks and small twists in the path of destiny that I had walked, turned out to be pivotal moments in which many things today might no happened had I walked the other way. Truly, it is the Beauty of His Plans.
Sometimes, I feel as if Allah had sent a personal malaikat for me, in which he shelters me with his wings from almost everything the evils of this world could throw at me.
When my peers are addicted to smoking, I alone pushed it away. I had never smoked, never tried even, and insyaAllah not going to. But at that time, perhaps I'm the worst among them.
Simply because I never once tried to persuade any of them out of smoking.
When we went our separate ways, I still believe that it was a blessing in disguise for me to bump into SPMLS' CCA booth during my enrolment, even though I was looking badly for the toilet.
See, this is one of those intricate pathways which I had chosen to walk where things right now could have been different if I turned away from it.
Why different? Because ever since then, whenever they called me to go out, it often somehow collides with an SPMLS event. It got to the point that they don'e even bother to ask me out anymore.
At first, I was hurt. Who wouldn't? But pretty soon, I got caught up with SPMLS matters and events and submerge mysef fully into it and to a certain point, neglected the old ones. Till this day, I cannot forgive myself for having putting them aside. But its a different thing altogether in being inside SPMLS where almost everyone around you share the same insight, same spirit. In other words, a family.
But now when I saw those pictures, I was shocked, suprised..and most of all, I was overcame with disappointment. I wonder how Cikgu Jalilah or Cikgu Hariani would react if they were to see those pictures. And Mr. Nur even. Haishh...Mr. Nur. The best teacher in the world, in my opinion. He's the typical garang teacher with a very soft inside. But best of all, he never gave up on any of us. Not even once. I wonder how his heart would shatter should he see those pictures.
I don't know, but something inside me just broke when I came across those pictures.
Something in me just shattered.
Because right now, it doesn't matter if I succeed in making Ahlul 'Ilm Intifadha into a subcomm.
It doesn't matter if I managed to instill into SPMLS the zenith of our responsiblity as a leader is to be a good Da'ie
It doesn't even matter if I managed to leave a legacy behind when I finally step out of SP.
Because the truth will always return to me; the past.
That I have failed.
And I have failed miserably.
” Ya Allah sesungguhnya Engkau adalah Rabb-ku, Tiada Ilah kecuali Engkau, Engkau telah menciptakanku, sedang aku adalah hamba-Mu, aku akan berusaha memenuhi janji-janjiku kepada-Mu sekuat tenagaku, aku berlindung kepada-Mu dari apa perbuatan jelekku, aku mengakui akan nikmat-Mu yang Engkau berikan kepadaku dan aku mengakui juga atas dosa yang pernah aku perbuat, maka ampunilah diriku, sesungguhnya tiada yang mampu mengampuni dosa kecuali Engkau ya Allah. ”
How am I supposed to feel to see them doing those kinds of things?
Its not enough for them to go against everything that we had believed in, they have to post it up online so that others can see it also.
Are they proud of what they did?
I don't know, I really don't.
To think that we spent almost everyday of our secondary school lives together.
To think that during that point of time, I was the one who was pinpointed as the troublemaker.
To think that at that point of time, I lived up to that title by getting us into trouble alot of times.
What happened along the way? Just what?
Because no matter how far I go, I will always look back and cry in guilt.
Because even if I manage to fulfill my sworn duty; to leave a legacy in this organisation, by setting the foundation in which future Da'ies might arise, I would still have failed.
I would still have failed miserably.
When I look back, I truly see His Greatness in planning it all. Crooks and small twists in the path of destiny that I had walked, turned out to be pivotal moments in which many things today might no happened had I walked the other way. Truly, it is the Beauty of His Plans.
Sometimes, I feel as if Allah had sent a personal malaikat for me, in which he shelters me with his wings from almost everything the evils of this world could throw at me.
When my peers are addicted to smoking, I alone pushed it away. I had never smoked, never tried even, and insyaAllah not going to. But at that time, perhaps I'm the worst among them.
Simply because I never once tried to persuade any of them out of smoking.
When we went our separate ways, I still believe that it was a blessing in disguise for me to bump into SPMLS' CCA booth during my enrolment, even though I was looking badly for the toilet.
See, this is one of those intricate pathways which I had chosen to walk where things right now could have been different if I turned away from it.
Why different? Because ever since then, whenever they called me to go out, it often somehow collides with an SPMLS event. It got to the point that they don'e even bother to ask me out anymore.
At first, I was hurt. Who wouldn't? But pretty soon, I got caught up with SPMLS matters and events and submerge mysef fully into it and to a certain point, neglected the old ones. Till this day, I cannot forgive myself for having putting them aside. But its a different thing altogether in being inside SPMLS where almost everyone around you share the same insight, same spirit. In other words, a family.
But now when I saw those pictures, I was shocked, suprised..and most of all, I was overcame with disappointment. I wonder how Cikgu Jalilah or Cikgu Hariani would react if they were to see those pictures. And Mr. Nur even. Haishh...Mr. Nur. The best teacher in the world, in my opinion. He's the typical garang teacher with a very soft inside. But best of all, he never gave up on any of us. Not even once. I wonder how his heart would shatter should he see those pictures.
I don't know, but something inside me just broke when I came across those pictures.
Something in me just shattered.
Because right now, it doesn't matter if I succeed in making Ahlul 'Ilm Intifadha into a subcomm.
It doesn't matter if I managed to instill into SPMLS the zenith of our responsiblity as a leader is to be a good Da'ie
It doesn't even matter if I managed to leave a legacy behind when I finally step out of SP.
Because the truth will always return to me; the past.
That I have failed.
And I have failed miserably.
” Ya Allah sesungguhnya Engkau adalah Rabb-ku, Tiada Ilah kecuali Engkau, Engkau telah menciptakanku, sedang aku adalah hamba-Mu, aku akan berusaha memenuhi janji-janjiku kepada-Mu sekuat tenagaku, aku berlindung kepada-Mu dari apa perbuatan jelekku, aku mengakui akan nikmat-Mu yang Engkau berikan kepadaku dan aku mengakui juga atas dosa yang pernah aku perbuat, maka ampunilah diriku, sesungguhnya tiada yang mampu mengampuni dosa kecuali Engkau ya Allah. ”