The Muse
The Muse
Reach me:
Rite Of Passage
Famous Last Words
The Extended
Famous Last Words
In every truth that you'd deny
And each regret and each goodbye
was a mistake too great to hide
Tuesday, 18 November 2008
Have you ever wonder,
Have you ever wonder,
Have you ever wonder,
Have you ever wonder,
Have you ever wonder,
Musings, musings, musings
Perhaps the day I stop all these musings in my head is the day I technically die.
All that aside there's perhaps something thats been in my head for quite sometime
and that is the issue of anger.
I know, people might say that I'm perhaps not the best person to talk about it. Well, I DO have a reputation as one of those who is most likely to blow up in a confrontation.
Why?
Because of one stupid thing I did during Darmawisata '06.
Fine, I lost it during that time, what is now called the infamous "Red Card" incident. My team was winning but come full-time, we lost the match because of bad refereeing and poor communication. Now, if we had lost because we were playing badly, that I understand. But this time we lost because of other factors. I said a few words that I shouldn't have and I'm not proud of it.
But I learnt from it and moved on. Hell, during Ikem I even made fun of that incident by pretending to protest furiously to Wan (who coincidentally was the referee during Darma '06 also) during the dodgeball games. Interestingly enough, some people thought that I was really angry at that point of time mainly because of my track record.
Thats what they always remember. When the word 'SUFYAN' and 'ANGER' comes to mind, the first picture that comes into mind will be me kicking up a fuss during Darma '06.
Please people, wake up and look at the calendar.
You're comparing me to how I am 2 years ago. Please. Don't.
I'm not saying that I am much better than how I was last time, I can't judge myself, only you people and Him can. What I am saying is that, please, don't let the past impression of me cloud your impression of me NOW.
I can laugh, I can joke about it, but the fact is, I'm disturbed by it.
Its like no matter how hard I try to control, no matter how many times I succeed in doing so, if you people refuse to see beyond that stupid thing I did last time, then there's no use at all.
How many times have I controlled my temper during football matches, where tempers are prone to growing out of control?
How many times have other players flared up in anger and confronted the opposition because of a foul, while when I was badly fouled, I just complained to the referee. If he gives the foul, good. If not, so be it. Take note that I'm a striker. 80% of fouls committed are on the strikers because they are the ones on constant threat to the defenders. The only reason why I don't get fouled as bad is because I'm small. Meaning that I get around those big lumbering defenders easily.
Wan and Epin has Yellow Cards to their name. ME? None. So why is it that I'm branded the temperament one while they got scott free without any labelling? Yeah, thats right. Because they don't have a history with anger management that you guys know about. I DO.
Hey, I admit. I DO have some anger management problems.
At times when I least expect it, my anger do flare up without any signal. Sometimes when Lina got into my nerves too much, I tend to snap back abit more harsh than usual.
Sometimes, my anger flares up when I remembered something of the past. But I just put it aside and think about other things. I didn't say that I totally control my anger now, but I can say that I have it controlled to the best that I can.
Because thats the truth, no one can run away from anger. No one can fully satiate it. Control of it is what makes the difference between feral rage and sanity.
And furthermore, I like to have this sudden flares of anger within me. It keeps me on my toes. It keeps me from being disillusioned by thinking that I can be patient at all times, when the truth is, I can't. Patience has its limits.
So be reminded.
When you label someone as 'temperament' take a good look at yourself first.
Those little times in which you snapped back, or said something in annoyance, or even just commented something in pure spite, all those accumulated might just be much much more that what that one thing the 'temperament' person did.
because you'll realise that the tangy, dark aura that you perceive were coming from him...
is actually coming from yourself.
how it feels like to have hatred coarsing through your veins, feeling all that dark energy within you?
Have you ever wonder,
how it feels like to hold such power in your hands but you know you can't find it in yourself to wield it?
Have you ever wonder,
how it feels like to have fallen so badly, that when you look back, you're disgusted by your pitiful self?
Have you ever wonder,
how it feels like to feel so weak, that you can't even raise your arms in defeat?
Have you ever wonder,
how it feels like to hold the life of a person in your hands, whereby you risk crushing it if you hold it too tightly but it'll dissipate if you didnt hold it tight enough?
Musings, musings, musings
Perhaps the day I stop all these musings in my head is the day I technically die.
All that aside there's perhaps something thats been in my head for quite sometime
and that is the issue of anger.
I know, people might say that I'm perhaps not the best person to talk about it. Well, I DO have a reputation as one of those who is most likely to blow up in a confrontation.
Why?
Because of one stupid thing I did during Darmawisata '06.
Fine, I lost it during that time, what is now called the infamous "Red Card" incident. My team was winning but come full-time, we lost the match because of bad refereeing and poor communication. Now, if we had lost because we were playing badly, that I understand. But this time we lost because of other factors. I said a few words that I shouldn't have and I'm not proud of it.
But I learnt from it and moved on. Hell, during Ikem I even made fun of that incident by pretending to protest furiously to Wan (who coincidentally was the referee during Darma '06 also) during the dodgeball games. Interestingly enough, some people thought that I was really angry at that point of time mainly because of my track record.
Thats what they always remember. When the word 'SUFYAN' and 'ANGER' comes to mind, the first picture that comes into mind will be me kicking up a fuss during Darma '06.
Please people, wake up and look at the calendar.
You're comparing me to how I am 2 years ago. Please. Don't.
I'm not saying that I am much better than how I was last time, I can't judge myself, only you people and Him can. What I am saying is that, please, don't let the past impression of me cloud your impression of me NOW.
I can laugh, I can joke about it, but the fact is, I'm disturbed by it.
Its like no matter how hard I try to control, no matter how many times I succeed in doing so, if you people refuse to see beyond that stupid thing I did last time, then there's no use at all.
How many times have I controlled my temper during football matches, where tempers are prone to growing out of control?
How many times have other players flared up in anger and confronted the opposition because of a foul, while when I was badly fouled, I just complained to the referee. If he gives the foul, good. If not, so be it. Take note that I'm a striker. 80% of fouls committed are on the strikers because they are the ones on constant threat to the defenders. The only reason why I don't get fouled as bad is because I'm small. Meaning that I get around those big lumbering defenders easily.
Wan and Epin has Yellow Cards to their name. ME? None. So why is it that I'm branded the temperament one while they got scott free without any labelling? Yeah, thats right. Because they don't have a history with anger management that you guys know about. I DO.
Hey, I admit. I DO have some anger management problems.
At times when I least expect it, my anger do flare up without any signal. Sometimes when Lina got into my nerves too much, I tend to snap back abit more harsh than usual.
Sometimes, my anger flares up when I remembered something of the past. But I just put it aside and think about other things. I didn't say that I totally control my anger now, but I can say that I have it controlled to the best that I can.
Because thats the truth, no one can run away from anger. No one can fully satiate it. Control of it is what makes the difference between feral rage and sanity.
And furthermore, I like to have this sudden flares of anger within me. It keeps me on my toes. It keeps me from being disillusioned by thinking that I can be patient at all times, when the truth is, I can't. Patience has its limits.
So be reminded.
When you label someone as 'temperament' take a good look at yourself first.
Those little times in which you snapped back, or said something in annoyance, or even just commented something in pure spite, all those accumulated might just be much much more that what that one thing the 'temperament' person did.
because you'll realise that the tangy, dark aura that you perceive were coming from him...
is actually coming from yourself.