Sometimes, reality gives you a hard smack on the face and thats when you learn you're not as unbreakable as you think you are

In other times, reality lulls you into a false sense of security, refusing to give you a reality check until you've dropped all, or most of your defences down. Thats when it strikes.



Yesterday had quite a time at the zoo facilitating the kids.
Had a much easier time with these bunch then with those during Kem Xplore. It was a wonder for me that even though we didnt had much time to get to know each other (unlike during Kem Xplore) we still managed to do well together.

At the start I just told them I'm not expecting much, just 3 things from them. That is, Teamwork, Respect and Patience. Alhamdulilah, all of them had the initiative to uphold those 3 things without much prompting from me. I was more impressed by their determination as we spent 1 hour looking for the first station, when in actual fact, we did went pass it, just that the station master hadnt arrived yet. But we perservered and managed to finished 9 stations.

Tired as I was, with only an hour or so sleep the night before after exploring Pasir Ris with Faan and Rashid, and also after the race..it was undoubtedly exhausting. I let my guard down. All of it.
Mentally and emotionally.

Perhaps thats why I was too shocked, too drained to react correctly...to counter those emotions.
I was caught off-guard by it. So much that it affected me that bad.
In other words, yesterday, I realised that my limitation barrier is high...but I'm not unbreakable


Also, when I think about it, yesterday is quite an eye-opener for me. For the first part during the race in which we searched a whole hour for the first station, the kids chose to be angry and whatnot about it. But for me, I chose to see the other side (which I presented to them).

Because of the station master not being there, we were forced to searched the entire zoo for the station, thinking that its at some other place. During our journey, we managed to locate 6 other stations cos we went pass them. I see this as a blessing as now, we know where those stations are, rather than having to search for them. We took 1 hour to find one station, we could have easily spend another hour trying to search for another station if we hadn't already know where it is.

In other words, through that, I realised that Allah S.W.T is trying to tell me what is going to happen beforehand. And that is, He's telling me to see the bigger picture. Don't be disheartened when one obstacle get in your way. Instead, let that obstacle be an impetus for you to be more determined to get through everything else. Like what my group showed, we perservered till the end. Yes we got almost all the stations, but we lost. However when I asked them, how they feel about it, none of them complained. All of them said that they're happy cos we did our best, we tried our best. Thats what I have to do right now. Truly He is All-Knowing and All-Encompassing. =)


but well, it doesn't change how I feel at that time. Even now, my heart is heavy. My brain is somewhat clogged up with thoughts. Anyways, Faan, sorry that I went off from the meeting yesterday night. I was too distracted and was getting sick, and also, I myself noticed that my being there issnt really a significant thing cos half of the time I'm keeping quiet only. Also bro, sorry for the super silence between us during our journey to Raffles.


Its just that I couldn't help thinking...I just can't.

If you were me, you wont help thinking also.

After what had happened, after everything...its just..shocking...


Because I can never believed it...


That when our eyes met when I was leaving, those very same eyes that mesmerises me everytime I lay my eyes upon them,

I felt something shoot from my heart...so painful that I couldnt do anything else but to look away.

I don't understand this...I really don't.

Have I fallen for you so far that its more than just feelings now? Have I even grown to have love you?

I don't know, I really don't. Too many emotions at play...to many thoughts in the mind.



Because when I look the facts straight.
I'm the only one to be blamed for all these happening