It wasnt a moment of weakness when my tears flowed freely yesterday.

Rather, it was a moment of humanity.

People often see me as the person who is devoid of feelings.

I rarely show off how I truly feel.
I don't wear my heart on my sleeve like alot of people do.

But yesterday, somehow, it was too much.


It started when Din hugged me fiercely.
I was the second in line, Din was the first.

Only when he hugged me that I realised this was his last event.
Still, tears did not flow for I wasnt close to Din.
Same goes to Aidil and some others.

But when I reached Faan, I couldn't help it.

Faan is one of my closest brothers.
One of the few who knew me as a deep-thinking psychologist, and not a reckless psychomaniac.

Tears flowed we hugged fiercely, as memories unfold before my eyes.
All those times during meetings where Din and the rest are talking while me and Faan are either making stupid jokes behind them or playing some stupid game, only for Din to yell at us before joining.

I know Faan would have wanted to hugged more, but I pulled away.
Why?
Cos me ego wouldnt let me cry my ass off in front of all these campers.

Wak, Yus, Zureen passed.
Still, none of them carried the power to actually made me cry fully.
Mainly because I was never really close to them emotionally.

When finished, my eyes scanned the crowd above me.
And I saw Hadi, Big Yus, Azhar and the rest beckoning me to come up to them.
I went up and here was where I felt

I was home.


Not in the committee.
Not in the exco.

But here with these bunch of loose cannons.

Hadi pulled me in a tight embrace and I jokingly said, "Kau jgn nak nangis eh, last year kaunyer pasal aku nangis."

But emotions ran wild and Hadi cried...as do I.
It was really a moment captured in time.
We finally broke the hug, with me crying quite hard.

It was then that I turned and saw Nuraini (Nani) that all those memories came back to me.

Of that time I scolded her for disobeying me until she almost cried.
Only for me to console her back till she's okie.
Of all those times we spent together working on Logistics, taking all the brunt of all the shit the Committee gave us.
And of course, all those times we put ourselves on the line, defending Syafiq and the rest from the full force of the Commitee's ire.

As every memory unfold before me, I cried harder.
So, there I was standing in the middle of the Lecture Theatre crying my arse off.
But did I care?

No

Because I wasn't crying because I was sad or whatever.
I was crying because I was overwhelmed by all this.

By all this LOYALTY.


Soon enough, the tears subsided.
But then came Syamira.
One of the programmers. And one that I personally guided through as she started off.
She came and thanked me for guiding her through and also to apologise all those times she made me mad. All through tears of course.

That of course, made my tears flow again. And I was totally lost for words to say to her.
All I could manage was , "Mira. You made me proud".

Those are all I could manage. But that words watered her eyes and she cried hard.
Its one to hear that from a friend.
But its totally different to hear that coming from a mentor.

As I was crying hard there, Su and the rest came over, and asked if I were okie.
Truth is, I am.
Just some memories to relive.

And then.

Faan came again.


He rushed from the stage, when up and literally pushed Su aside and hugged me very, very fiercely.

And he said.

Yan, Din da suruh aku jaga MLS. Insya-Allah I want you to be there beside me. Not because I trust you as a friend. But because I trust you to get the job done. I want you to be there bro

What he said really really touched me hard. And well, I cried harder still.

Here is the guy, whom without him I would have left SPMLS long ago.
It was only because of him that I chose to stay on.
Because in him, I see a brighter future of SPMLS.

I once said to him that the only reason that I will stay in EXCO next year is only if he wants me to.
But not because I'm a friend.
But because he trusts me to get the job done.

And when he said all that, it really touched me.


All of these, wasnt a moment of weakness from me.
It is a moment of humanity.

It is a moment of me realising that I have people who are loyal to me.

And most importantly.

It is a moment of me realising that loyalty comes with a price.
And that price is trust.